Original Soundtrack from a Ballet by Youri Vamos for the Theater Basel

 

Driven by fear of loneliness and even greater fear of people, Peter Illich Tchaikovsky hastens through a cold and alien world in pursuit of a soulmate, a Thou. The wanderer finds a refuge in the selfless love of the wealthy Nadezhda von Meck, who takes him under her motherly wing and becomes his benefactress. But Tchaikovsky cannot return the love she offers. However intensely he yearns for warmth and security, he is not made for marriage. Fear of becoming a social outcast puts an untimely end to his relationship with his friend Apuchtin. In pursuit of an anchor for her feelings, Antonia Milyokova forces her way into his life. Led astray by his feelings of guilt towards women Tchaikovsky rushes into marriage with her - but the venture ends abruptly in failure. The composer spurns the suppliant woman and flees from her and all others. Feelings of inferiority, self-hatred, self-critisicm and needless fear of his fellow-men overwhelm him. He turns his back on the world. Tchaikovsky sees his nephew Bobyk growing to manhood and focuses all his loving care and affection on the boy, yet never lifts the barrier of his own reserve. Still a child in his heart and filled with an insatiable longing for peace, love and happiness, Tchaikovsky transfers his affections to his sister Alexandra. Through the blissful harmony in which she, her husband Davidov and their children live, she represents for him - the spirituality displaced one - the warmth and tenderness he is missing. But having lost his one-time friend and his love, Tchaikovsky is now deprived of his sister. These losses drive him closer to the one remaining form of release that he can still perceive in his unfulfilled life. The abyss that separates Tchaikovsky from the world widens as he grows older. He immerses himself in his music, which is now increasingly infused with his yearning and torments. Only in his imagination can he live the life he dreams of, and give shape to the love that has always evaded him. The vicious circle has closed around him.

 

Youri Vàmos